in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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