So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
