my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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