My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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