it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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