I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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