Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
