That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
