Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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