I must be too annoying 4 u.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
