Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
