You work out of a Hotel?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
