Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
