Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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