I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
