was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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