She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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