You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
