Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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