he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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