I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize