Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
