I looked at my own cervix.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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