My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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