Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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