He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
