so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
