Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
