we have pet lesbian snakes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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