I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
