I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
they're like a gay fantastic four
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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