But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
