I got chris browned last night
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
