you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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