You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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