My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
