I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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