high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
