He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
