maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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