the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
