Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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