my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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