woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
