I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
