I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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