she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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