Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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