Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize