I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
