He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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