So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
