I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
