Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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