I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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