Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You're earring is so big in my mouth

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  (832): You're earring is so big in my mouth http://tfl.nu/32xs
  Replies (38) Good night (724) Bad night (3246)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  two words: eviction party

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  (503): two words: eviction party http://tfl.nu/l75h
  Replies (28) Good night (6272) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (8024) Bad night (1418)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

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  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6746) Bad night (1640)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

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  (802): You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises. http://tfl.nu/vxkf
  Replies (33) Good night (2309) Bad night (5158)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.

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  (810): Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy. http://tfl.nu/tczv
  Replies (6) Good night (2645) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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  (702): I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave. http://tfl.nu/8hoe
  Replies (17) Good night (3722) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?

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  (412): turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's? http://tfl.nu/akbw
  Replies (4) Good night (2641) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.

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  (303): i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once. http://tfl.nu/besu
  Replies (17) Good night (1862) Bad night (3051)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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  (905): Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass. http://tfl.nu/tco3
  Replies (9) Good night (4445) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood

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  (+61): we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood http://tfl.nu/ba4y
  Replies (4) Good night (1252) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up

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  (903): Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up http://tfl.nu/zu39
  Replies (5) Good night (1223) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.

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  (714): It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs. http://tfl.nu/jalq
  Replies (11) Good night (494) Bad night (1945)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...

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  (413): Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs... http://tfl.nu/m2io
  Replies (11) Good night (1337) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.

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  (919): There is an alarming amount of food in my bra. http://tfl.nu/bxub
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (481)

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