If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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