he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.