Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
