We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
