2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
