quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
