I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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