I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
