I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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