cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
