Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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