Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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