im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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