He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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