I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
