Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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