you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
