Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
